i’ve shared my safe space with too many men

and though i continue

i know it’ll never be enough

i’m already messaging the next one

 

i cant imagine what these men think

but i know we’re all feeling the same things

society has left us for dead

and we’re finding comfort in each other

the next morning, another stranger’s scent lingers on my bed

a small souvenir that i hold dear

 

my mom called me again to tell me to take care of my body

its become a hobby of mine to disobey authority

 

she asks if otherwise i’m fine, i say yes

i don’t talk about how her anxieties for eternal life started leaking into mine

and how time only makes them worse

the heaven i’m living is stuck on earth

i keep it inside

we both know the way i go about things isn’t right

 

she says goodbye for the night but the silence frightens me

it gives me too much time to think 

and i think

that in her eyes 

i am the sacrilegious 

an afterlife defying anti-christ

in her eyes, i am still 

just a sinner